21st Century Kids!
Adesh Maharaj
As a parent, if you were to be asked the question “What is your greatest possession?” I am sure that the first thing that comes to your mind is ‘Your Child or Children’.
Parents, spend a lot of time dreaming about the future lives of their children. They could be heard saying that they want their children to be doctors, lawyers, engineers, accountants, IT specialists and much more. In short, they want their children to grow up to have high paying jobs. In an effort to achieve this, parents make lots of sacrifices and invest a lot of money in their children’s education.
There is a common saying that ‘today’s students are tomorrow’s workforce’. This statement considers, to a large extent, the academic abilities of our children. It should also be noted that ‘today’s students are also tomorrow’s husbands or wives, co-workers, neighbours, employers or employees, parents, or fellowmen’. This statement, however, puts a different spin on what we, as parents must also take into consideration when we dream about our children’s future.
It is clear that the horizon of parenting in this new era has changed. Since children spend a lot of their formative years observing and imitating parents, this means that the parents play an important role in providing the tools they need to be successful as students, workers and citizens of the world.
These tools include:
1. giving them strong positive character (honesty, patience, tolerance)
2. teaching them to set and achieve their goals
3. helping them to take responsibility for their actions.
New research suggests that the new century requires a better understanding and nuturing of the human side. For a long time, employers have been looking at skills and knowledge of the workers as the predictors to the success of the business. What they have failed to assess is the personality of the worker.
Clearly, it is no longer prudent that we give our children all the opportunities to become ‘Brain Smart’. It is now equally important that our children become ‘Heart Smart’ as well.
Lacking Skills
As we look around today, we see many children are lacking skills that will enable them to become caring and responsible adults. The indicators are all around. Many youths today:
1. lack respect for elders
2. lack common courtesies
3. do not appreciate the finer things in life
4. have no respect for their bodies
5. do not care about the environment and the list goes on. The print and electronic media provide ample examples of this everyday.
Eigtheenth Meeting of Heads of Government
In April 1997, at the Eigtheenth Meeting of Heads of Government convened under CARICOM, it was decided that the future of the Caribbean Region depended upon the full realization of the potential of the children. They noted that the children of today need to develop skills that will allow them to:
a. have respect for human life which sets the stage for the development of values and morals,
b. be emotionally secure with a high sense of self-confidence and self-esteem,
c. realize the importance of living in harmony with the environment,
d. appreciate family and kinship values
e. build their communities
f. take responsibility for themselves and community,
g. respect their cultural heritage and that of others
h. become a problem solver
i. becomes a critical thinker
j. demonstrate a positive work ethic,
k. take advantage of opportunities to control, improve, maintain and promote their own physical and mental health and that of the community and country,
l. embrace differences and similarities in other males and females.
What Every 21st-Century Parent Needs to Know
In her book ‘What Every 21st-Century Parent Needs to Know’, Derbra Haffner, notes that ‘good parenting makes all the difference in raising children to become happy and successful adults’.
Parents must now more than ever take up the mantle once again and remember ‘You are your child’s first teacher - the gatekeepers of their minds and souls.
Parents are the ones who chisel out the total being of the child. The lessons meted out to them help them to make sense of the world, their environment, relationships and sensitize them in knowing how to deal with these things appropriately.
Therefore, if our children are to be prepared to achieve success in the 21st Century and beyond, then parents must begin to teach them life skills at an early age.
Attitudes and Behaviour
Based on the attitudes and behaviour of many of our youths today and the personality they should have in this era, there is the need for parents to develop the ‘Social and Emotional Competence’ in children.
The development of these skills means that children will develop skills to:
1. recognize and manage emotions,
2. form positive relationships,
3. solve problems,
4. become motivated to accomplish a goal,
5. make responsible decisions and
6. avoid risky behaviour.
Today, these skills are as important as any level of technical skills needed in the world of work.
Areas of Focus
The questions is what are the areas we, as parents, should focus on?
1. SOCIAL AWARENESS SKILLS
2. SELF-AWARENESS SKILLS
3. SELF-MANAGEMANT SKILLS
4. RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
5. DECISION MAKING SKILLS
(Attempts will be made to highlight some of the strategies that parents can use to develop these skills. Parents should know that the list goes on. It should also be noted that the information is based on research in the field.)
Helping Your Child Develop Social Skills
Social Awareness Skills allow children to recognize what others are feeling and thinking , to empathize with people who are different from themselves and to show compassion.
Some helpful suggestions:
1. Make children feel that they belong in the family.
-encourage your child to talk about his/her family
- use your child’s name as often as you can when speaking to him/her
- be supportive of your child and give him/her lots of affection
- do things together as a family
2. Develop trust
-create a warm, welcoming, nuturing environment at home
-follow through on promises
-be consistent by developing schedules and rules and be consistent when enforcing rules.
-talk about yourself and listen to your child talk about himself/herself
-be your child’s best supporter
3. Develop confidence and self respect.
- let them know that it is ok to make mistakes
- give them tasks that are slightly difficult
- believe in your child and let him/her know it
- accept him/her for who he/she is
4. Use words to solve conflicts and develop control of their emotions
- encourage them to talk about their feelings when others hurt them
- use situations/pictures to ask them how they will solve problems
- have a quiet area where they can go and be alone to regain control of their emotions
5. Encourage them to share and take turns
6. Allow them the opportunity to state their opinions and desires
Helping Your Child Develop Self-Awareness and Self-Management Skills
Self-Awareness allows children to recognize their emotions and to develop positive qualities.
Self-Management allows them to manage their emotions, set goals and work towards their goals.
Some helpful suggestions:
a. Ask your child what they learned in school today. Talk about what they enjoyed and why, as well as why they didn’t enjoy school and why.
b. Support your child when they want to try new things and give them opportunities to expand their horizons.
c. Join your child as they explore new things to re-enforce that people of all ages learn new things.
d. Take every opportunity to let your child know that he/she is special and can do unique things.
e. Discuss the skills they use at home, school, playground and community.
f. Always praise positive behaviours, attitudes and achievements (big or small)
g. Teach them to do simple things at home. Eg being neat, tidy, how to bake a cake, wash the car, etc. so that they develop responsibility. Give them chores.
h. Avoid the use of threats, put-downs, embarrassing statements, and criticisms to control bad behaviour.
i. Create an environment where they can make choices, and assist in planning activities for the family.
j. Make Time-Out a tool for building self-control. Let them decide when they are ready to co-operate and play with the group
k. Teach them how to break up simple tasks into smaller jobs and then plan out what they do next.
l. Teach them how to manage their time well.
m. Teach them how to prioritize things as simple as homework or chores.
n. Model the right behaviour for your children.
Helping Your Child Develop Relationship Skills
Children should know that getting along with others is an important social skill in itself. To do this they must have on-going relationships with parents, teachers, friends, relatives, etc. understand, however, that it takes time and patience to allow these skills to grow.
Some helpful suggestions:
1. Provide opportunities for children to be around others of their own age.
2. Observe their interaction as they play so that you can pick up undesirable behaviour. Correct these in a simple and appropriate manner.
3. Encourage them to share with others. For smaller children, understand that they must be developmentally ready to do so. Do not force them.
4. Make sure that the expectations you have for your child are age-appropriate. Remember that they go through many physical, emotional and mental developmental stages as they grow up.
5. Take time to let help them label their own feelings and be aware of their own feelings before you expect them to understand the feelings of others.
6. Model caring behaviour to your children
7. Set limits for their acting out. They are entitled to their feelings and may or may not have the words to express. Help them to understand their feelings.
Helping Your Child Develop Decision Making Skills
Just as we do, children make decisions everyday. They must understand that good decisions require thoughtfulness. It is an art we develop not through practice but from conscious thinking and knowledge. When your child develops good decisions making skills, he/she will become an independent learner and an independent person.
Some helpful suggestions:
a. Increase the number of decisions your child makes (remember though that important decisions are best left to you as they might not be mature enough to make them).
b. From time to time, let him/her have the final say on some decisions.
c. Guide your child’s thinking when he/she is making a decision.
d. Ask him/her what would happen if they choose one thing over another.
e. Let your child learn from his/her mistakes.
f. Praise your child when he/she makes good decisions.
You can help them develop this Decision Making strategy
1. Understand the problem.
2. Get the information needed to help identify the causes of the problem.
3. Think of as many alternatives as possible.
4. Choose the best alternative.
5. Be ready to accept the consequences.
6. Put the decision into action.
7. Evaluate the outcome of the decision.
As parents we must understand that in order for our children to survive in this world, they need us to maintain our connection with them ‘Log on to your kids and stay on’. Just as a building under construction needs support until it is finished, so too, our children need our steady hand, our guidance, our support, love, understanding, patience and someone they can imitate and emulate. This most important possession we have cannot be left alone and hope that someday they will learn to be a good husband, friend, child, neighbour, employer or citizen. We must make the time to provide the type of scaffolding support they need until they can make it do it on their own.